A Living Nightmare

Ironic. Funny. But not really.

I am not invincible, but I am brave enough and strong enough to stand my ground. 

Those words keep running through my mind. Tuesday morning, I had a life changing experience. No, not like the ones I’ve written about on my blog before. One where I thought my life was in danger. One where I stood my ground. One where I was scared to death. Though the situation could have been worse, I know that God was protecting me.

On Tuesday, I was almost attacked by my neighbor. At 7 am. Long story short, he has a mental illness and had stopped taking his medicine. I wasn’t physically harmed, but most definitely emotionally and mentally. He was just standing outside of my house. He got into my car that was running. He was wearing a mask. He approached me, but never said anything.

After he left, I got into my car and called my coworker, who immediately came to my rescue.

The police were involved and apparently it’s happened before, which to be honest, makes me uncomfortable. I’m planning on moving and will no longer live where I do.

“What you experienced is like a nightmare, like what they base horror movies off of,” said another coworker. Nightmare? Yes. Life lesson? Surprisingly, yes.

What I have learned is that I am brave and somewhat stupid. I shouted at him. I confronted him, while I was of him. I had no idea what his intentions where. But I stood up for myself, not really thinking until 2 seconds after yelling to him, that me, at my small stature would have to stand up to this man. But I was brave.

I have also learned that I have to ask for support from others. Since this ordeal, my friends have been nothing but supportive. Letting me stay with them until I find another apartment, praying for me, checking in on me. I’m comforted by those around me.

I have learned that I am strong enough to handle a situation like this. I decided to take action when something shouldn’t of happened. The police officer commended me on this. Now, I’m probably not going to be putting myself in a situation like this, but I know that God gave me the strength to stand up, to be brave.

It’s not easy. I’m tired because I can’t sleep. When I close my eyes, I’m reliving those fearful moments. When I close my eyes, I’m thinking how differently things could have gone. When I close my eyes, I become anxious and fearful. And it leads me to pray that God will wrap His comforting arms around me.

He’s there. I feel Him. I know He’s protecting me. He always has. Always will.

Yes, I still have fear of the unknown. I’m terrified to go places by myself, especially my apartment. But I’ve learned so much in the past week. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to be scared. Afraid. Terrified. That admitting that is stepping through fear. Because I can’t control how the people I tell will react. But I know it does ME good to verbalize what I’m feeling.

I am still a life changing woman and I am not invincible, yet I am brave enough and strong enough to stand my ground.