I came across an old journal only 1/4th of the way filled up from last year. I began reading through it.
“I am able to do far beyond all that you ask for imagine. Don’t be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark.” (Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren)
“This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with! I need to refocus. Learn that He’s writing my story and in His time things will work out perfectly. I just know it. He is teaching me patience. Whatever happens will be a testament of His faithfulness. He will bless me with more than I could ever understand. Whatever door He opens job-wise will be perfect.”
I would describe the first 8 months of last year as dark and unknown. There was a lot of change going on in my life and I had no way of preparing for whatever always came next. In those 8 months, I became frustrated with God because my life plan wasn’t happening and He was silent. I would sit in church leadership meetings praying for job opportunities to open and my team also frustrated because they knew what I could do and how much I deserved a full time job. “You’re one of the best students we’ve had,” my pastor and former professor would say.
Every night, I prayed for God to open a door because I was unhappy where I was. I would wake up and nothing would have changed. It took me 8 months for the perfect job to find me. For my life pieces to fall into place, like I never thought would happen. A perfect fit.
I describe those months as incredibly hard and almost faithless, but when I re-read my journal it’s clear as day. I wasn’t faithless, maybe I had some doubt, but I knew and believed with all my heart God had something incredible planned and in the perfect time He would reveal what it was. Reading my journal entries brought me to tears because it showed me how much faith I had in God at the time. Knowing His plan was greater and far better than what I had imagined. And it’s true, it’s so true.
I asked my brother the other night if he believes when we pray and ask God for answers, if silence can be one of them. We had a quick conversation about it, but what I loved about the conversation was this statement he made, “When God is silent, it makes me search more for Him. It facilitates me to ask myself the questions I’ve been avoiding.”
Reading through my journals, I can see I lived this statement out. When God was silent, I dug deeper. I searched longer. I trusted Him more. The result is exactly what I said would happen “He will bless me with more than I could ever understand. Whatever door He opens job-wise will be perfect.”
God is always faithful. When there are times in your life where you feel God is silent, maybe instead of a straight yes or no answer, He wants to see if you’ll dig deeper–if you’re actually sincere about what you’re asking. Believe it or not, God is not a magic genie.
I am blessed beyond compare of what God has provided me in my life. Not just recently, but always. He comes through and my life is testament of that. For those of you out there, who are wondering why God is silent. Trust. Have faith. He has something amazing planned for your life.
Are you doing your part? Do you trust that He knows what He’s doing? Let go of fear and let Him work.