There’s an ongoing question that runs through the mind of every human being,
Do I matter?
I ask myself this question a lot being an enrollment counselor. Does the time that I spend with high school students, talking to them about this university, painting them a picture of what their next four years could look like, chasing away their fears of the unknown and laughing about how fun life is, does that matter? Does it matter which enrollment counselor works with them? By some small chance, the words that I use to share my story, my story of how God led me to Southern, do I matter to that student?
I’ve had the privilege of working with many people from all walks of life, hearing their life stories and watching them let go of shame and guilt to truly become fully alive. I asked myself many a times if I mattered to these people. I know the organization mattered to them, and the leaders of the weekend, but did I matter?
A year ago, I couldn’t of predicted that I would be where I am. I wouldn’t know that I would have a full time job working with high school students at my alma mater in Tennessee. I pictured myself, working as a music promoter/intern/social media guru in a booming city full of night life and music. Music has always been apart of my life and so it was no question that’s what I wanted my life to be about. My senior year of college, I was able to pinpoint this idea and begun helping a friend who was a local musician. It was a ton of fun and we were successful in a lot of the things that we set our minds to. I felt like I mattered. Not only to him, as his PR girl, but to those around me.
Fast forward to present day.
I find that even though the ever present question of whether I matter or not is looming over my head, I’m still going to make connections with my students, with people in general. That will never stop.
because it’s who I am. It’s my purpose. Who God has called me to be.
“Our secret insecurity is always focused on outcome, while our heart of hearts is always focused on coming out. Stepping out. Trying out. Striking out. And trying again. Because there is joy in showing up, because there is joy in becoming more who we already are.” Dr. Kelly Flanagan
I used to have this idea that as I grew up, I would change. I would become this person that I wasn’t in junior high, high school, my first couple years in college.
But I was wrong. And I love that I was wrong because it made me see God in a total different light.
Someone once told me that growing up doesn’t mean becoming more mature, it means becoming more you.
You see, I’ve always been me. Introverted. Smart. Sarcastic. Assertive. Caring. Adaptable. Beautiful. A catalyst. These last 16 months have been this immense time of growth and understanding. For the longest time, I used to fight against this beautiful and powerful creature, who God made, because I was scared of my own greatness. When I finally stopped fighting against the person who God created and began fighting FOR that person, my life changed. I became me, the person God intended me to be from day one.
Do I matter?
I know the answer to this question. I can’t tell you how many wonderful people would, could answer this question for me. They saw who I really was before I began to believe it myself. So the answer is yes. A thousand times yes. Not because of the tangible things that I’ve done to change or impact someone’s life, in whatever capacity that looks like. Yes, because I am becoming more me, the person I already am and that matters.
I hope that if you haven’t already come to this conclusion about yourself, that one day soon you will. You are on an amazing journey of becoming the best you, the one God created you to be. Please, do not look to me, to answer your question. My answer will be obvious. But if you can’t answer that question with a peace in your heart, I challenge you to dig deep. Search. Begin your journey today. I promise you, that you will run into hurt and shame and things that scare you, but you will also find hope, joy and peace. I can also promise you, that you will find people along the way that will help you in ways you could never imagine. And if you fight, you will find your answer.
I’m sure you already know what the answer will be, but you have to believe it. And that’s an entirely differently subject for another time.
So for those of you reading this I want you to know that you matter. You matter. YOU MATTER.