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Caught in the Storm

It hit me like a ton of bricks. This wave of emotion. And all of a sudden I had to put my head down to hide my tears. Not here, Lauren. Not here. 

Last night, I went to the Camp House to watch their open mic competition of local musicians. It had been awhile since I had been there, but it was nice to be back in a somewhat familiar setting.

These last couple weeks have just been complete chaos. I received devastating news about a family member. My home is no longer my home. So when it’s storming, it’s pouring. And at least for right now, it’s a torrential downpour.

Here in my heart You have found Your place
Replacing fear with Your freedom
You lift me up
You lift me up

When all seems lost in my brokenness
I call Your Name and You answer
Held by Your love
Held by Your love

This guy got up to sing and for some reason, that wave of emotion, what I’ve been trying to handle so well since everyone else has their own problems hit me square in the chest. He was singing about these farmers having acres of faith that during a drought, it would rain and feed their crops.

As I set my phone down and put my head on my folded arms, I thought back the last couple weeks. I wondered about my faith. Have I really been trusting God? That He could heal an incurable disease? That He can provide a place for me to live, where I feel safe? Do I trust that I can come out of this storm?

I feel like I’m constantly learning about trusting in God. And I know He always comes through and gives me more than I could ever imagine, but we’re talking about miracles here.

As I’ve been listening to this Hillsong Young and Free album, this song “Back to Life” is wrecking my world.

In the night
Through the struggle through the trial
You have made my burden light
You have brought me back to life again

Though I can feel Satan trying to grab ahold of my life and I feel the cloud of chaos buzzing above me, most of the time I feel peace. I know this is God sheltering me from the storm. Holding me in His love. Covering me.

And though I’m feeling all this now. I know it could be worse. It could be worse. I do trust that God is carrying me through these trials, that just so happen to be piled up at the same time.

Your love it wipes every tear away
You calm the storms that surround me
You carry me
You carry me

Your light breaks through in my darkest hour
Your love is strong in my weakness
You are enough
You are enough

Though I am fearful about what my future will look like. I’m scared to death about this family member. They basically have a death sentence on their quality of life for the rest of their life. I have no idea how my housing situation will turn out. My things are scattered at different friends houses and I’m tired of not having anything. I will hold onto this promise:

You won’t let go
So I will follow
All I am
Yours now and forever
You won’t let go
So I will follow
With all I am
This entry was posted in blog.
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