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Fearful of Shadows

I grew up thinking I always lived in the shadow of my younger brother. Now, if you ask him that’s not accurate, but when I would come home every day from high school, I would see his pictures from scoring goals in varsity soccer all on the fridge and nothing about me…anywhere. I like I could never contribute anything of value, for myself so I set out to help those around me.

I knew I had to skills to network and create opportunities for others to succeed. I was successful in high school, but not like how my brother was. No matter what, I always felt like I was living in the shadow of everyone around me. Almost as if I was invisible. I had always been told that I was powerful or that people were intimated by me. And I guess I never saw that others did. So when I was successful in class or what have you, I would play it down.

I never understood the value of my own worth.

Until last summer. I attended a two weekend work shop about finding your true you, called True You. A few friends of mine had gone through it a few months before I did and I took them up on the offer. It was the perfect time for me to attend because I had reached the end of my rope, feeling so inadequate–like no one was appreciative of me.

The workshops, Climb and Flight changed my life. They brought me an awareness of the stuff that I was carrying around, preventing from living FULLY ALIVE.

During the second weekend (Flight), I was still feeling misunderstood, I was given this quote to read:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  -Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

As I read those words, I couldn’t stop crying. This is how I was living my life!

I was playing life safe…and small. I realized there was a bigger picture that I never realized, that by living my life fully alive would impact others to do the same.

So I began to live life, fully alive. I removed the things in my life that were holding me back. Though, that step was hard–it was necessary. I can say a year later, though the road hasn’t been easy and there are still demons that I battle against daily, I am living. Really living. Following God’s lead for my life. I see those words, “You are powerful beyond measure” every day, reminding me to live life passionately, and alive.

And I can say that because of those words,

My name is Lauren Claire Brooks and I am a life changing woman, a catalyst for igniting lyrical worth. 

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