The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness.

It’s what I strive for in my life. It’s come with some losses, but I’d like to say overall, I’m happy.

As a millennial, happiness above all else is what’s most important, especially when it comes to jobs.

We would rather have the job that makes us completely happy and it not pay as much, than have a higher paying job that we sorta like. So there’s no surprise when I say that after 8 months of job hunting, I’m still looking for a job.

Now, I’ve almost had three, basically perfect jobs offered to me and then it not work out. Frustrating? You bet. Especially, because the reasoning behind not hiring me isn’t because I’m not qualified. First, it was location. Second, it was because there was something better for me, and third, well it just seems that it’s fallen through.

My parents, God bless them, keep talking to me about working at a certain company–the one they’ve worked at their entire lives. To me, it doesn’t interest me at all. Yeah, I know it has great benefits and basically guaranteed a job for life–but that’s not what I want.

Maybe my thinking is skewed and I need to change it.

I don’t just want a job that will pay the bills. I want a job that I will love to go to every single day. Where I’m not among my friends complaining because I don’t really like my job. I want to be happy with where I am, what I’m doing, knowing that my work is significant.

What’s hard is that we can’t all have that. Reality says so. I’ve experienced it. But the way that we were raised contradicts that. We were told we were special and could change the world. That we could happen to the world. I’m not sure about you, but I don’t really see that happening. The year I graduated high school was the year the economy went down the drain. I was screwed from the beginning of college. I have a bachelors degree proving that I’m qualified to work in my field. My resume fills up an entire page and then some of all the experience that I’ve received because of my upbringing that I will succeed. So why am I where I am?

I’m a freelancer. Nothing bad about it. My situation could be worse. I know that I am blessed with the employment that I have right now, specifically that all my jobs are in my field. But I want more.

It’s frustrating because so much money was spent on receiving a higher education. I wan to put all that I learned to use. Good use. I know God has lead me to this degree. To where I am now. The jobs that I’ve had before. I know that. I’m just really trying to understand (to the best of my human ability) what His plan is for my life.

“God, what are you trying to teach me?” I posted on my Facebook wall, Saturday morning after hearing some news.

I have an idea as to what my life might end up like, but I’ve realized I can only plan so much. I’ve been waiting patiently and impatiently to see where He leads me next. I thought my career path was going to go a certain way and after much prayer, that door closed. Then I was headed down another hallway and where there were a couple doors that were unlocked, but then it seems like they’ve closed now. And I just don’t understand.

I’ve attempted to remain as optimistic as a pessimist could be. But now, it seems that it’s back to square one. I’m at a loss as to what direction I should go. Sure, the road is wide open–but I want to make sure I’m not just shooting in the dark and taking whatever comes at me first.

I want to live a life according to God’s will. I know He has a super awesome plan in my life, but how long will that take to start job-wise?

I realize that a job really does have an impact on my happiness. I think it’s one of those expectations that’s been ingrained in me as a kid. Being a single woman, it’s also one of the only things I have to my name. It’s part of me and the fact that I’m not where I thought I was going to be, seems like a bit of a failure. I know it’s not really the case, but that’s just how I see it sometimes.

I was beginning to understand that I needed to be content where I am. It’s a daily struggle because I’m motivated, knowing there’s more out there for me to conquer. Patience is a virtue, I joke, that I don’t have. Someone told me once, in context of the verse “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”, that God won’t illuminate all that’s in the future, but only a little bit, so we know where we can take our next step. I feel the last couple months that I’m not moving. I’m just at a standstill. Now, I’m wondering if I should take a step (whatever that may be) into the dark.

“God, what’s your plan? What are you trying to teach me? Where are you leading me?

I am on a journey and I have no idea where that will take me, but here’s to the pursuit of happiness.